dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
