You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
