Sry I called you an 8
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
