your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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