It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
