Where did you get a picture of my penis
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
