maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
