Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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