Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
one might say we're banned from that church
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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