If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I can't turn off my feet"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
