so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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