I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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