6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
