I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
