So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
