Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
