Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize