When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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