Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
