I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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