I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
