we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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