Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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