some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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