It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
