I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
