Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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