so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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