Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
