If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
