So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
