the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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