So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
