I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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