Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
