are you still at the devil's house?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize