my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize