Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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