Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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