so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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