Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
