Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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