My nipple is on Facebook.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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