Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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