You just made me feel so damn special
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize