I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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