i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize