She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
