you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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