I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
