I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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