My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
