hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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