he shaved USA in his pubs
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
