Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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