My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
