Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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