I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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