i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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