oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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