when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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