My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
