Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
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