Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
