So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
