Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
