If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Sorry about my life...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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