Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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