I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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