I'm gonna have a badass scar
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
