so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
